Thai National Championships 2003

Once again, this Black tie event surpassed all expectations in terms of standard of play, quality of food, and quantity of beverages consumed in 2003.

At the end there was one man left standing. That man, Mr. Arnold Troegar, became the first 2-time Thai National Champion. He was also runner-up in the 2003 Asian Spoofing Championship.

What more can one say about the TNCs? See below for a full blow by blow account of how they each reached the pinnacle of the Thai spoofing circuit.

PAST THAI NATIONAL CHAMPIONS

1989 Andy Maynard

Andy Maynard was the first ever TNC. A sure fire bet for the Hall of Fame, Maynard has since departed the circuit to concentrate on work outside of the professional spoof scene. The inaugural championships in 1989 are a distant memory for most.

Records of the event are sketchy at best, Spoof was just finding its feet in Bangkok and the remaining spoofers who do remember the 1989 final do so vaguely or with the aid of sodium penthanol. If any of the BGS remember this prestigious event, that should of course be preserved for posterity, please contact the DOC.

Any pictures, despite their enormous emotional and material value should be forwarded to the DOC with appropriate insurance cover. All will be returned to owners.

1990 David Williamson

David Williamson or "Busta" as he is more commonly known was the 2nd TNC. David used to be GM at the British Club, Bangkok and is now GM at a popular ex-pat hangout, The Londoner. The 1990 Thai National championships marked the beginning of the Open spoof era and less importantly, the dawn of a new decade.
Busta is now a retired spoofer, he was present at the 2002 finals but his skills have diminished with age. As a deference to former champions he is allowed to play, but at his age he can hardly remember how many coins he has in his hand never mind how many the other gents are holding. It is for sad old duffers like David that a spoofers pension fund should be established.

1991 James Howard

The Ratcatcher walked away with the ultimate prize in 1992. At the top of the Thai National Spoofing game, his crown could really be termed Asian Champion (which Mr Howard went onto win in 2003!!). Jimbo did it with class, Howard's way in fact. The 1991 Thai National championships were now entrenched on the hearts and souls of the spoofing community in Thailand. Speculation was rife in the locker room that a new sponsorship deal from the tour was to be announced before the start of the finals.
With TV on hand, it was thought that a pay per view deal had been struck with Channel 11, the most funky TV station in Thailand.
However, at the last moment the deal fell through. A TV blackout was put in place which remains until TV wakes up and gives spoof the coverage it deserves! THAT will show 'em, pen pushing TV execs!

1992 Peter Snell

Peter Snell was overcome with emotion as he cemented his place in spoof folklore. After a fine season on 'tour' the spoof veteran turned in a virtuoso performance to take the coveted title. The 1992 Thai National championships were distinctly unremarkable in every way except one. Some over zealous spectators had consumed too much of the local brew (singha + mekong + alka seltzer) and tried to invade the playing arena in support of local hero Mike "Donkey" Hunt.
Fortunately security staff were on hand to remove the rowdy infidels after fining them 1000 THB each to pay for bottles of port. Still no live coverage of the event on TV after talks broke down in Darling (soi 12).

1993 Andy McDowell

No Andy McDowell is not that bird out of Green Card and other crappy movies. He is now more famous than Andie and is a Gent, an essential requirement to be a spoofing legend. We salute you Andy! The 1993 Thai National championships were a welcome distraction for Thailand's beleaguered ex-pat population. Following Black May of 1993, many of the tour members had departed the Kingdom to ply their trade elsewhere.
It was therefore a depleted championships, but the crown remained untarnished and Peter Snell was a true champion.
The stiff upper lip mentality that had served her majesty's subjects so well came in handy in strife torn Thailand in'93. Dodging bullets and rounding tanks was not the ideal reparation for spoof but was what was necessary to get the job done in the 1993 final.

1994 Paul Turner

Paul Turner is a spoofing veteran and one of the few past champions still plying his trade on the circuit in Asia. His cerebral approach is distinctly "old school" and are his armpit like features... The 1994 Thai National championships followed hard on the heels of the World Cup in USA. The bookies had predicted success for the Yanks at the finals in December, but a world cup hangover pushed the septic tanks into oblivion once more. It would be 7 more years before a Septic would take the title. The 1994 finals will be remembered for the infamous queer bishop incident that could have disrupted the event along with the venue's annual financial statement had it not been for the intervention of a Greek pipebender on hand with a large inflatable mattress and a tube of KY jelly. The Armpit + Teeth hardly blinked an eyelid! Paul lost the 2002 final - shit I should not have said that!

1995 Rodney Bain

Rodney "Bear" Bain is a jovial larger than life character who makes Bangkok his home. Rodders is an intellectual freak, a man with an IQ bigger than his bank balance, and that's quite frightening! The 1995 Thai National championships were conquered by a man who is as smooth as a fox's cravat.
Nowadays, Rodney has quit the tour but makes the occasional appearance at the spoofer's corner. He is more likely to be asking the questions of the spoofers quiz team either in the BC or at the 33 car park (oh shit) I mean the Londoner. The Bear has starred in many independant productions, particulalry low budget soft porn films. Many mistake Ron Jeremy for our jivial quizmaster, and Rodders enjoys these mistakes over and over again!

1996 Vince Swift

Vincent Swift owns most of Bangkok so he is the Gov'nor in our books. Gov won the title in commanding fashion, vanquishing all those before him in a spoofing fury. He was hot that night! The 1996 Thai National championships were special because they followed England's prestigious penalty shoot out loss at the hands of Gareth 'Pizza Hut' Southgate. Luckily, since spoofing is more aligned to Rugby than soccer, the finals were not disrupted.
Back at the spoof finals, the owner of the Bulls Head was kicking ass bigtime.
The Wright place and the Wright time for the Gov who has recently bought most of Patpong, Nana, 33, Cowboy, Ratchadapisek, and Rama IX, allegedly;-)

1997 Jon Pritchard

John "Butcher" Pritchard is a behemoth of a man. At 6'6" 32 stone, he is not a man to be messed with. He plays front row (all 3 of 'em) for the BC. He uses car hub caps as coins. The 1997 Thai National championships were a sombre affair, like a bad night at the Blue Cross.
They followed the collapse of the Thai Economy, spoofers were hit hard.
Many were forced to quit spoofing, and return to their homes in UK, Australia etc.
Those who could stay on, sponsored pros etc, were forced to use smaller coins. One spoofer even turned up with plastic buttons off his shirt in a effort to continue playing the beloved game.
More fool him. He was fined for the audacity. Having no money to pay the fine, he was banished forever.

1998 Meechai Vatanasuk

Meechai V is the first Thai to hold the TNC crown. A proud achievement for the Thai nation, Meechai went from doghouse to Penthouse following his win. Since losing the crown however, he has lost everything. The 1998 Thai National Championships came of age in 1998 (?!) with A Thai National Champion.
A tickertape parade, a diplomatic passport and an audience with the King were all on the cards following the dramatic victory, snatched form the doors of defeat.
Meechai was the toast of the Thai social circuit, appearing on late night chat shows, radio phone in programmes and day time cable TV soap operas. The champ took time to adjust to the media spotlight and the weight of public expectation for a defence of the crown.
Following the 1999 first round exit, a humbling experience if ever there was one, Meechai was stripped of just about all the trimmings of the great victory.

1999 Simon Matthews

Simon Matthews triumphed in 1999 to rave reviews from the spoof groupies on Sukhumvit 33. Nicknamed Sai Moi (pubes) by the adoring local belles, Simon is a celebrity wherever he goes. The 1999 Thai National Championships marked the end of the nineties, a decade that had saw the collapse of the Thai economy and the rise and fall and rise again of the professional spoofing circuit despite no TV money.
It was therefore fitting that a man famous for his 'rise' overcame considerable obstacles to romp home in the 1999 final. Sai Moi was then a novice spoofer, a man not even registering on the bookies' radar screens.

However, On Dec 5, 1999 the full SP was there for all to see. A 1000-1 shot had took gold, and many of Bangkok's finest were being whisked away and introduced to famous brand underwear. Sai Moi introduced spoofing to Buri Ram, a small mining village on the Cambodian border. He is Thailand's 2nd best dressed spoofer.

2000 Frank Crocker

Frank Crocker is a no nonsense blue collar spoofing champion. Hailing for Dublin, Frank took the Millennium spoofing final by the scruff of the neck and choked the life out of his helpless opponents. The 2000 Thai National championships marked the beginning of the post nineties decade. Y2k problems were a source of much heartache for spoofers in 2000, spoof was hardly prepared for the Y2k bug and was one of the few professional sports affected by the 'thing.'
Lucky then that a new force emerged to take the title, and the Enforcer, by the balls and crush them mercilessly. Frank of No Fixed Abode likes Tennis, being Irish, and winding up our resident Enforcer!, calling him cruel names like Cheesy and Cheese-man. Frank enjoys an extravagant lifestyle, he has Brad Gilbert as his tennis coach and Pavarotti as his voice coach.

2001 Arnold Troeger

At last, the US of A has a real hero! Lakers fan Arnold Troeger restored pride to the state of CA in 2001 with a shocking win that rocked the spoof establishment to its core. A Septic Tank champ!? Surely not!!! The 2001 Thai National championships were won by an American. To some this was akin to Sadaam Hussain getting the Nobel Peace Prize. However, the progressive spoofing community soon recognised that Arnie was a true champ, a gangbanger, but a true champ.
Hailing from Crenshaw, Arnie was the product of the tough city streets of LA, streets where gangs were invented. Although mafia, triads, and yardies have played spoof, an authentic South Central gang member had never made it to the finals, until now. Arnie defended his crown in 2002 but like all before him, could not recreate the magic 2 years in a row. When will we have a repeat champion? Maybe 2003 will be the first when the "Govern Cruise Missile" will defend in BKK.

2002 Keith Cronshaw

Lord Keith Cronshaw surprised everyone, incl. himself to win the spoof crown and qualify for the WSC as Thai rep. A quite remarkable victory that once again proves that its tough to stay at the top. In temperatures approaching 34ºC, 21 black tied inebriants converged on Lords for the auspicious TNC. Sir Roger Willbourn (aka Jamster) was clear favourite, he had been first out in every spoof in 2002, not buying one round of drinks. He had shattered the single season call % and shat all over everyone who crossed his path. He was irresistible, odds on favourite to steam roller all before him, especially any BC GC members!!
Sir Rog was 2-1 ON, dressed in his Luigi Batani dinner suit he was ready to assume the crown.

But...what's this? Gasps from the crowd, Jammy was out early doors...oh the shame! Govern's Keith Cronshaw had vanquished the Armpit with Teeth and booked his ticket for the World Championships.

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