spoofing game

New Zealand Spoofers

Mr. Chris "Gingerman" Lee (Wellington), the 2002 WSC, prevailed over Mr. Steve "Bimbo" Morris (Palmerston) four to zip in the final of the 2003 Canterbury Spoofing Championships.

Red hot favourite Wayne "Pope" Collins - 3-time NZ National Champion - hot off tasting the Moet & Chandon at the 24th Nationals the week before was philosophical in defeat, as was Peter "Brooksie" Brooks who resorted to calling Mr. Lee a c#unt at Spooftalk LIVE. Brooksie received a warning, but was promoted to full member at the forum for being the first person to use the C word despite using it in reference to our beloved champion.

Our reporter, Charlie Rattray (some sort of family heritage in serving vermin?) has asked spoofers.org to point out that "regular spoofing" by The Cannerbry (surely Canterbury) Spoofers occurs at "The Mansfield House" tavern every second Thursday at 8.00pm (WHY NOT EVERY TUESDAY LIKE EVERYONE ELSE). To find out if this is the next Thursday contact Charlie Rattray in Christchurch on (025) 449 706, but we refuse to post such requests at the site, sorry Mr. Rattray.

BTW, The Canterbury Spoofers do NOT agree with "her indoors" spoofing for the same reasons as stated by the Bangkok Chairman, so there Paris, Seoul, and Dublin!

NZ Nationals

Wayne Collins, aka The Pope, became the first spoofer ever to claim NZ's National Spoofing tile three times on Friday 13th June in Wellington, writes Mr. Peter Brooks.

"I have alot of experience in celebrating victory in Spoofing," The Pope modestly quipped in front of several international journalists (and spoofers.org) who had gathered to cover the event. "I have silenced my critics tonight and can rightfully claim to be the finest spoofer NZ has ever seen." (Was this a gloat?).

The Pope won the title with dominating ease, defeating someone else in the final 4 -1.

In his acceptance speech The Pope confirmed that he will defend his title in Wellington next year which will mark the 25th anniversary of the event.

Photographic evidence of the evening's proceedings will follow when the current world spoofing champion, Mr. (Sir) Chris Lee, learns how to download it from his camera.

Thanks to all participants for their support and also to the sponsors Lion Nathan and The Single Malt Whiskey Coy.

In other news, England beat New Zealand 15-13 on June 14th. Most of the All Blacks were at the spoofing championships the night before thus explaining the loss, apparently.

Spoofing with the Enemy - by Albert Heenop

In 1981 Wynand Claassen (Springbok captain and No 8) and Murray Mexted (All Black No 8) opposed each other in one of the most intense and dramatic Test series in the history of Rugby Union. The following year, Mexted came out to play a season of “footy” with Natal - alongside Claassen. That was when they established, in Durban, the Edward Spoofing Club. In August this year, Mexted was back in town on his annual South African pilgrimage to call the Tri-Nations for Sky TV and, so, Sharks Magazine thought it opportune to stage the 20th reunion of the Edward Spoofing Club Durban.

The History

In his autobiography, More Than Just Rugby, Claassen vividly recalls the birth of this intriguing assembly of rugby rivals and friends on Tuesday April 27, 1982, in the Causery bar at the Edward.

“On Monday evening after practice Murray told me that we were going 'spoofing' the next night. I must say I did not have the faintest idea what he meant, but the next evening I met Murray, Craig Ross (A Kiwi from Bay of Plenty who played flanker for Natal in 1982) and Doug Florence at the Edward Hotel and we formed the 'Edward Spoofers Club.' “After that we would meet each week to play this interesting game of calculation. There are a number of rules, one being that the first man out orders the drinks and the last man pays. There are clubs all over the world and there are even world championships. “Our new coach, Koos Beukes, worked himself into quite a stew over 'spoofers.' He obviously thought it meant something far more wicked and his concern grew each time he heard we were going spoofing again. “One Wednesday morning he phoned me and, sounding most concerned, said: 'You know, cappie, some guys went spoofing again last night.' I could not help chuckling at Koos' worried tone and invited him along to a spoofing evening to set his mind at rest.” The inaugural Edward Spoofing Championships took place on March 30, 1983, and the next, on April 18, 1984, was held at, of all places, the former Alexandra Hotel, which incorporated the infamous Smugglers Inn, in Point Road! A black tie affair, the official invitation suggested that the “casual atmosphere (of Smuggies) will be the right catalyst for a great evening”, which, no doubt, it was.

The Game

So, what is spoofing then? Mexted, now also MD of the International Rugby Academy in New Zealand, gives a delightful insight into this gentleman's game in his book, Pieces of Eight.

“Spoofing is defined in the encyclopedia of sport and recreation as an ancient art of mental calculation played among gentleman. Spoofing has its imitators, such as the New Zealand pub game of 'matches', but spoofing carries things to a state of refinement. It is selective and played in an organised and dignified manner."

“Spoofers do not get drunk spoofing, unless they play it long enough. Often they play it long enough. In alcohol, spoofers retain their dignity at all times. They maintain a high level of bored humour, which never descends to vulgarity or sex."

“During spoofing, decorum is of the utmost, players and bystanders referring to others only by surname and desirably prefixed by Mister. True spoofing is played with coins and true spoofers profit not from spoofing other than in the quaffing of liquor purchased by the loser or from a sedate luncheon or dinner likewise settled by he who lacks the concentration, discipline and incredible acumen to win. “The game, though not the name, is based on a Dutch royal court game of some centuries ago. That, anyway, is what spoofers propose. It involves the assessment of an opponent's mentality, the reading of his mind's deepest deceptions. “Each member of the school holds three coins. He presents, hidden in the hand, any number of those coins or none at all. It is in the progressive assessment of the total number of coins held by the school that the art lies. “Spoofing is a fellowship the membership of which is indefinable but universal. I thank with all my heart Mr Nick Poynton, Cambridge University graduate in something, and Mr Bill Endicott, Cambridge University graduate in something else, for introducing me to it. It has brought me new friends all over the world and through our meeting in the James Cook Hotel, Wellington, in 1977, I have had experiences in and out of rugby, which have brightened my life. “Mr Poynton and Mr Endicott travelled from the other side of the world to follow the 1977 British Lions in New Zealand, Mr Poynton from England and Mr Endicott from South Africa where he had lived for eight years. On the evening of June 17, the night before the Lions played New Zealand at Athletic Park, they spoofed around the grand piano in the piano bar of the James Cook. The spoofing, the spoofing banter and catch-words had American, Japanese and New Zealand guests caught up and hugely entertained. When I walked in with my friend Peter Brooks I wondered who this lot thought they were, taking over the town I loved. “Now I have spoofed in half a dozen countries, at championship level, at pub level, at footy level. In France the five call becomes, of course, 'cinq', a sound roughly equivalent to 'sank'. In Argentina the five call became 'General Belgrano' because it sank, in New Zealand it became 'Wahine' for the same reason and, more recently in Auckland, it became 'Rainbow Warrior' because that definitely sank.”

The Reunion
It was a momentous and nostalgic occasion on Wednesday August 7, 2002, when the Edward Spoofers reunited on the eve of the recent Springbok-All Black Tri-Nations thriller in Durban. A notice board in the lobby of the Protea Hotel Edward Durban welcomed the Edward Spoofing Club to its 20th reunion. In the far corner of the Causerie bar, masterfully manned by Manny, two tables were laid out all in white and a delectable assortment of horse-d'oeuvres and hot “nibbles”, courtesy of the Edward, awaited the members. Mr Wynand Claassen (Springbok No 8, 1981-82) was first to arrive, resplendent in collar and Springbok club tie. Soon afterwards, honorary president, Mr Murray Mexted (All Black No 8, 1979-85), strolled in, appropriately clad all in black. Messrs Douglas Florence (Natal fullback, 1983), Peter Edmunds (Natal flanker, 1984-88) and Guy Kebble (Springbok prop, 1993-94) completed the esteemed school for this memorable evening. Draught beer was ordered all round and the memories came flooding back. The Minutes Book, dating back to 1982 and caringly looked after by Mr Claassen all these years drew a lot of attention. Mr Mexted, in particular, found great pleasure in reciting some of the names of members and guests who had participated over the past 20 years. Names like Jorge Allen (Argentina flanker, 1985-89), Chris Butcher (England No 8, 1984), Graham Campbell, Dick Cocks (Wallaby flanker,1969-75), Tim Cocks (Natal back, 1973-82), Brett Codlin (All Black fullback, 1980), Brian Demontille, David Durrell, Pat Durham, John Eaton, William Endicott (former World Spoofers president), Dave Gemmell, John Gilmer, Craig Hulett, Frank Inocco (Natal flyhalf, 1982), Pierre Killian, Dave Logan, Gary “The Grey Ghost” McFarlane, Stan Mitozenski, Andre Nel, Thomas Nicholson, Nicholas Poynton (former English Spoofers president), Harry Roberts (Springbok hooker, 1992), Roger Rolleston, Simon “Stretch” Rumney, Owen Rutledge, John Sargent (1984 World Spoofing Champion), Mike Simpson, Tommy Smuts-Erasmus, Mike Teague (England flanker, 1984 -93), Colin Wilkinson, Peter Winterbottom (England flanker, 1982-93), and even Ian McIntosh, to name a few, are testimony to the universal fellowship that Mr Mexted is so passionate about. After about three-quarters of an hour of highly convivial reminiscing, the actual spoofing of the 20-year reunion got underway. Mr Mexted, in his capacity as honorary president, cordially invited Mr Albert Heenop of Sharks Magazine to join in on the spoof, as “six makes a good number.” Ironically, Mr Mexted (1983 World Spoofing Champion) and Mr Heenop ended up in the finals of the first round, with the former having to eventually succumb to the novice. During the next few rounds, Mr Heenop was first out each time - probably due to beginner's luck and thanks to the invaluable experience of an informal spoof with Mr Mexted and Mr Brendon Butt of Sky TV the previous night. Mr Heenop appreciated this and wisely refrained from gloating, which could result in serious penalties. Doug Mundell of Juiced Media pitched up late and thought it good to compensate for his lack of punctuality by ordering a round of Tequilas for the losers... In the timeless phrase coined by the honorary president all those years ago, “Gentleman, I ask you?” The Tequilas went down smoothly, nonetheless, yet Mr Mundell copped quite a bit of flak for his nerve as a “new boy on the block.” Conversation between spoofs varied, but, invariably, often touched on rugby and the state of the game worldwide. In the words of the honorary president, this nostalgic event of fist clenching was all about “old friends, good thoughts and great memories.” Long may it remain, indeed, and what better way to end off this story than with the words of the philosophy of the spoofers society: “Life's nota rehearsal... “

Thanks to Peter Brooks “Brooksie” - ASC, HKSC, FSC, AIDS (2), SARS and SWOT – for this priceless contribution.

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